How to Deal with Anticipatory Grief

When someone you love is slowly declining in health or facing an expected death, the emotional weight can feel overwhelming. As a result, you may find yourself grieving in advance by imagining life without them or feeling moments of sadness or guilt. This experience is known as anticipatory grief.

Anticipatory grief refers to the emotions that arise before a loss occurs. It can make people feel confused or even guilty for grieving early; however, it is a natural response to an anticipated change. It can shape how you cope, how you connect with your loved one and how prepared you feel for what lies ahead.

In this guide, we’ll explore what anticipatory grief is, whether it can be beneficial and the practical steps you can take to feel more supporting and prepared. We’ll also look at how to help someone going through anticipatory grief.

Explore This Guide

• What is Anticipatory Grief?
• Can Anticipatory Grief Be Beneficial?
• How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief
• How to Help Someone with Anticipatory Grief
• Future Planning and Preparation

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the grief you feel before an expected loss. It often arises when a loved one is seriously ill or when someone’s health is declining. Unlike grief after death, anticipatory grief starts in advance. While you may still share moments, conversations or physical closeness with your loved one, your mind and emotions begin to process what’s coming.

It can be triggered in several contexts, such as:

• Caring for someone with a terminal or progressive illness
• Supporting a loved one through advanced age
• Facing your own mortality
• Handling major transitions like dementia diagnoses or end-of-life care

These situations often involve ongoing change, uncertainty and emotional strain, which can activate grief long before the final loss occurs.

The emotional experience varies, but common symptoms include anxiety, sadness, guilt, irritability, fear of the future, emotional numbness, and a sense of ‘losing them already’. You may feel preoccupied with their health, find everyday tasks harder or swing between feeling deeply present and wanting to withdraw. These reactions are all normal as you’re experiencing the weight of a loss that is already unfolding.

Can Anticipatory Grief Be Beneficial?

Many people wonder whether feeling grief early might somehow soften the impact later. The truth is nuanced. Anticipatory grief can be beneficial in some ways, but it doesn’t remove the pain of loss, nor does it replace the grieving that happens after someone dies.

Justine Dickinson, bereavement counsellor at Rowland Brothers Foundation, explains: “When someone is dying, we imagine we’re preparing, but the finality still brings shock. While they’re alive, however unwell, they’re still here; after death, the reality lands.”

Some studies suggest that anticipatory grief can support emotional preparation, encourage people to resolve unfinished business and sometimes reduce the intensity of certain post-loss emotions. Having time to talk openly, share memories or clarify a loved one’s wishes can bring comfort and help families feel more prepared for what comes next.

However, it is not a guarantee, and it certainly doesn’t mean grief is easier. Even when you’ve been grieving for months or years beforehand, the moment of death often triggers a new and distinct wave of sorrow. That’s because anticipatory grief and post-loss grief serve different emotional purposes. One prepares, the other responds.

So, does anticipatory grief help make grief easier? In short, it can, especially when it’s acknowledged rather than suppressed. Justine explains that the support for anticipatory grief is similar to post-death: “Talk, lean on others, gather strength”. These actions don’t erase future grief, but they can help you feel more grounded and less overwhelmed.

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief can feel heavy, confusing and relentless, but there are ways to care for yourself emotionally and practically. These strategies won’t remove sadness, but they can help you feel more supported and in control.

Acknowledge and Understand Your Feelings

One of the most important steps is simply recognising that anticipatory grief is valid. Many people experience grief before a loss yet doubt whether they ‘should’ feel this way. Naming it for what it is can bring relief.

It’s also normal to feel conflicting emotions at the same time, for instance, hope alongside fear, relief mixed with guilt, and sadness softened by moments of connection. These contradictions don’t mean you’re coping badly; they’re part of experiencing an unfolding loss.

Emotional Self-Care and Wellbeing

Caring for your emotional landscape matters just as much as managing practical tasks:

• Express your feelings: journaling, talking with friends or family or joining a therapy or support group can help you process what you’re carrying.
• Protect your energy: set boundaries around what you can realistically handle, especially if you’re caring for someone full-time. Allow yourself time to rest without guilt, as burnout can intensify grief.
• Look after your physical wellbeing: sleep, eat regularly and make space for gentle movement. Grief affects both body and mind, so physical care is essential.

These forms of emotional and physical care help stabilise you during a period that can feel unpredictable.

Practical Preparation and Meaningful Engagement

Anticipatory grief often involves long stretches of uncertainty, but it also prevents an opportunity to create moments of meaning and clarity.:

• Spend time in ways that matter: have honest conversations, record stories, look through photos or simply share quiet moments. These meaningful interactions can strengthen connections during a tender time.
• Address practical tasks: organising legal or financial matters, discussing end-of-life preferences or exploring funeral planning can reduce pressure later.
• Maintain daily life: routines, familiar activities and small pleasures can provide comfort and stability, preventing life from becoming solely about the illness or impending loss.

Taking these steps helps you manage anticipatory grief by giving you a sense of purpose and reducing the anxiety that comes from the unknown.

Seek Support

You do not have to navigate anticipatory grief alone:

• A therapist specialising in grief or a hospice social worker can provide guidance tailored to your situation.
• Caregiver communities, online forums and family discussions can reduce feelings of isolation and provide practical tips from people who understand.
• Carer-assessment services can ensure you receive the support you need, as caring roles can amplify anticipatory grief.

How to Help Someone with Anticipatory Grief

Supporting someone who is experiencing anticipatory grief can feel delicate. They may be overwhelmed, exhausted or unsure how to express what they’re feeling. The most meaningful support comes from being present, compassionate and willing to listen without judgement. Here are ways you can help:

Listen and Validate Their Feelings

The simplest and most powerful thing you can do is listen. Let them speak freely about their fears, sadness, frustrations or moments of hope. Anticipatory grief can be confusing, and people often worry their emotions are ‘wrong’ or ‘too early’. Reassure them that everything they’re feeling is normal.

Phrases that help them feel heard and understood include:

• “I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
• “It makes sense that you feel this way.”
• “You’re not alone in this.”

Offer Practical and Emotional Support

Grief can make everyday life harder. Small acts of support can take pressure off their shoulders, especially if they are also a caregiver. You could:

• Prepare a meal or run an errand
• Offer respite by sitting with their loved one for an afternoon
• Check in regularly with gentle, non-intrusive messages
• Help organise practical tasks like appointments or paperwork

Practical help can ease emotional strain, giving them more space to rest and process.

Avoid Clichés or Minimising Statements

Well-meaning comments can unintentionally hurt. Try to avoid phrases like:

• ‘At least you’ve got time.’
• ‘Everything happens for a reason.’
• ‘Stay positive.’

These can minimise their experience and make them feel misunderstood. Instead, focus on empathy and presence rather than solutions.

Encourage Meaningful Conversations

If appropriate and welcome, you can support them in having open conversations about:

• Their fears about the future
• The memories they are holding onto
• The wishes of their loved one
• What matters most to them right now

These conversations can strengthen relationships, build connections and create space for emotional clarity.

Offer to Accompany Them to Professional Resources

Some people feel nervous or unsure about seeking support. Gently offering to accompany them, whether that’s to a GP appointment, a counselling session or a support group, can make a big difference.

Supporting someone through anticipatory grief isn’t about having the perfect words; it’s about being present, patient and willing to walk alongside them during a difficult, emotionally complex time.

Future Planning and Preparation

Anticipatory grief often brings a heightened awareness of the future. For many people, this period becomes a natural time to talk about wishes, make decisions together and put practical plans in place. Being proactive can offer comfort, clarity and a sense of control during an emotionally turbulent time.

Planning ahead, whether that involves discussing end-of-life preferences or exploring a prepaid funeral plan, can reduce anxiety for you and your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re expecting the worst; it means you’re preparing thoughtfully so that, when the time comes, those left behind don’t have to shoulder difficult decisions alone. Many people find that having these conversations early helps them cope better with anticipatory grief because it turns uncertainty into something more manageable.

For example, locking in today’s prices through a prepaid funeral plan can protect against rising funeral costs, which have historically increased year on year. While specific prices vary depending on the provider and the services chosen, the principle remains the same: paying in advance at the current rate removes the future financial burden from family members.

These discussions aren’t easy, but they can offer peace of mind – for you now, and for your family in the future. If you’d like to explore how planning ahead could offer clarity and control, we’re here to do so at your own pace. Talk to us today about our prepaid funeral plans and start putting your wishes in place for the future.